Irrational fear, the dreaded MRI day has arrived! 

I know my worrying and anxiousness is unnecessary but at the minute I’m finding it hard to think rationally!

It all started 18 months ago when I went for my MRI, this was probably the 8th or 9th one I’d had so was confident it would be fine. I’d never really liked them but never really bothered by them before, just went on my own, got on with it and came home to await the results!

Well, this all changed 18 months ago when I went for another head one. I was feeling fine in the morning and had actually joked on Facebook about it and posted some funny memes on both Twitter and Facebook!

To my horror tho I found the experience horrendous, it was literally on the back of a lorry, it was cramped even in the room let alone the scanner. I laid down to prepare myself but every movement outside the scanners room could be felt. Anybody that sufferes from ms dizziness or vertigo would know that this could trigger an attack.

Things got even worse as the bed started sliding in, I was dizzy, disorientated, had a cage around my head and was moving inside this tiny tunnel. The dizziness made me feel sick and I quickly started to panic, I had millions of completely irrational thoughts going through my head at that moment, my breathing  went funny and I started to think I couldn’t breath. I remember shouting for them to get me out. I have no idea how long it took them to get me out and get the cage of my head but it felt like an eternity. I was physically shaking, crying, feeling like I couldn’t breathe and thought I was going to be sick. The staff were brilliant, really calming and reassuring but all I kept repeating is “I’ve got to go back in” over and over through sobs!

I eventually calmed down enough to go back in, asked for the special mirror glasses that lets you see out of the scanner! After concentaing on my breathing and thinking nice thoughts I allowed the test to restart. A couple of times I felt my chest tightening and I felt like I couldn’t get a breath so I moved which meant that the part of the test that was being done had to be repeated at the end!

It’s funny how my panic turned to embarrassment after the test, I apologised and drove back home all the time beating myself up about it. For the last 18 months I’ve panicked even at the thought of having another one. Today is the day, I’m prepared with diazepam and hoping it will leave me chilled enough to not worry. I am shattered after a sleepless night worrying so hoping the mixture of calming meds and me being tired will mean I can relax enough to get through.

Another thing that bothers me is restless legs and an arm that goes numb when kept still so will have to concentrate on not moving them! This for me is a huge challenge in itself!

I have lots of lovely things planned this week so will have plenty of happy thoughts to think of!

Wish me luck guys!


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